A Feast for the Senses...

...a moth fluttering on the cement walkway....post-rain wind/air blowing through a cracked window and rattling the blinds...the soul/body warming effect of herbal tea, and the act of drinking it itself, hands wrapped around the mug, each sip lasting several seconds...a purple sunset, viewed through a dorm window and leafless tree...the overhead lamp reflected off the window...my books lying in what could loosely be called a pile, largely untouched today...reveling in the sweet sounds of the mandolin, fiddle, banjo...living in the land of the not quite and the not yet...sensing the fake heat kicking in at our former dance-studio church...now pink! God the painter leaping into action...could it be possible He knows how much I delight in pinks and purples, especially following a dreary white and grey day -- which I love, nonetheless? But color....the sky is perfect at this very moment. It brings me such, such joy! And it's been such a long, heart-rending week. Lord, rend the clouds and show Thy light! The Lord is my strength and my song, He has become my salvation! My heart overflows with a beautiful thought! Your love oh Lord reaches to the heavens...Your faithfulness stretches to the skies. The heavens declare the glory of God! The skies display His marvelous craftsmanship!

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul...(bird perched on one of the 'attic' windows of Gillette) and sings the tune without the words (bluegrass picking) and never stops at all (Your mercies are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness) And sweetest in the gale is heard (went for a walk in the blustery weather this afternoon) and sore must be the storm that could abash the little bird that kept so many warm (do I help keep others warm; to kindle the fire of Your love in them) I've heard it in the chillest land and on the strangest sea (Houghton Creek???) yet never in extremity it asked a crumb of me (You died for love of us).

I find associations in the funniest places.

Thank You, Abba, for this taste of Your goodness, of Your joy.

I really want to know You.

a compendium of psalms and other encouraging things...

Psalm 3:3
But you, O LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head high.

Psalm 3:6-8
Many people say, Who will show us better times? Let the smile of your face shine on us, LORD.
You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and wine. I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.

Psalm 6:1-7
O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage. Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak. Heal me, LORD, for my body is in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O LORD, until you restore me? Return, O LORD, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. For in death, who remembers you? Who can praise you from the grave? I am worn out from sobbing. Every night tears drench my bed; my pillow is wet from weeping. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.

Psalm 13
1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? 2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. 4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!” Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. 6 I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.

Psalm 22
My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me? Why do you remain so distant? Why do you ignore my cries for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. Yet you are holy.

Psalm 25:16
Turn to me and have mercy on me, for I am alone and in deep distress.

Psalm 27:13
Yet I am confident that I will see the LORD's goodness in the land of the living.

Psalm 31:7-8
I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemy but have set me in a safe place.

Psalm 32:7
For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.

Psalm 34:4-7
I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. I cried out to the LORD in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from all my fears. For the angel of the LORD guards all who fear him, and he rescues them.

Psalm 36
How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.

Psalm 42:5
Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!

Psalm 51:10-12, 17
Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.

The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 55:4-7
My heart is in anguish. The terror of death overpowers me. Fear and trembling overwhelm me. I can't stop shaking. Oh, how I wish I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest! I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness.

Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 63:1
O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

Psalm 77:7-9
Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again show me favor? Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be kind? Has he slammed the door on his compassion?

Psalm 80:3
Turn us again to yourself, O God. Make your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved.

Psalm 91:1, 4
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Psalm 107: 9
For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

Psalm 109:22-23
For I am poor and needy, and my heart is full of pain. I am fading like a shadow at dusk; I am falling like a grasshopper that is brushed aside.

Psalm 139:11-12
I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike to you.

Psalm 143: 6
I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

Psalm 145:13b-16
The LORD is faithful in all he says; he is gracious in all he does. The LORD helps the fallen and lifts up those bent beneath their loads. All eyes look to you for help; you give them their food as they need it. When you open your hand, you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.

Psalm 147:3-4
He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name.

Let the past sleep, but let it sleep in the sweet embrace of Christ, and let us go on into the invincible future with Him.
--Oswald Chambers

etc. etc. etc.
That's probably enough for tonight.

Sabrina fair
Listen where thou art sitting
Under the glassie, cool, translucent wave,
In twisted braids of Lillies knitting
The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair,
Listen for dear honour's sake,
Goddess of the silver lake,
Listen and save.
--Milton

I watched the original Sabrina today. ; )

What though the radiancewhich was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,of glory in the flower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
--Wordsworth

There's no place like home.

I can't sleep.

I'm being so vividly reminded in so many ways of my childhood home, Half Moon Bay, California.
I can smell it, see it, and even taste certain aspects of it. At times, I'm reminded of something that I wasn't aware was in my conscious or even subconscious memory.

This is a relatively recent occurence; it's wonderful, yet unsettling.

It's painful, also, because while I am at these places in my mind, I know it will be a few years, or more, when I can actually go back. I've been back on vacation; a bit of a rushed, or touristy feel to it. Rapidly reacquainting myself with places and sounds I experienced when I was 12 and under; I can never really go back to how things were then. Never. And, of course, there is a tendency to idealize and romanticize a place when looking back on it; I don't think this is what this is. Memory is such a powerful thing; I don't know what all this means. And I'm not quite writing coherently because it is 3:30 in the morning ; )

This is not to say that I'm not forming new memories, every day, as I'm maturing; certainly, my attachment to London proves that. And my attachment to the people I've met and bonded with at Houghton. Among many other things!

But I long so deeply to go back, and actually tangibly be in these places--these real places, that are now so, so far away.

There's no place like home.

I miss it so very much.

masterfully written prose

Maggie was a creature full of eager, passionate longings for all that was beautiful and glad: thirsty for all knowledge: with an ear straining after dreamy music that died away and would not come near to her: with a blind, unconscious yearning for something that would link together the wonderful impressions of this mysterious life and give her soul a sense of home in it.

there was no gleam, no shadow, for the heavens too were one still pale cloud--no sound or motion in anything but the dark river, that flowed and moaned like an unresting sorrow.

--George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

Timor et Tremor

Thank you, college choir.

English Text:

Fear and trembling have come over me, and darkness has fallen upon me:
Have mercy on me, Lord, have mercy, for my soul trusts in you.

Hear, O God, my prayer, for you are my refuge and my strength, Lord I have called upon you, that I shall not be confounded.